the madness must end
ah, Christmas. the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and visions of sugarplums are dancing in our heads. all is as it should be.
not so, my friends. not so. there are a handful of reasons why the Christmas season is a little askew thus far, and i have compiled a top 4 list of what i feel are the most critical imperfections glaring at me when i wake each morning.
1. no snow. this is perhaps the most serious issue of them all, hence its spot at number one. let's get real here. this is new england. we have seasons. winter, spring, summer, fall. so...where is the snow? we've had one snow day so far (if you can even call it that...but i'll be nice and let it count). i woke up to absolute snowy perfection, frantically taking pictures to capture the moment, pleading with the sun to lie low for a while. i guess the sun didn't really feel all that bad for me, because within hours it had risen to its full splendor and every single snowflake had melted away, and along with that, my sorry heart. since then, nothing. i'm still waiting, and i hold on to hope. :/
2. no real tree. having grown up with a fake Christmas tree, you'd think this wouldn't bother me. think again. two years ago my parents finally got rid of our old, fake tree, the one that ended up with a striking resemblance to Charlie Brown's after so many years of poking, prodding, hanging ornaments, and cat climbing. we drove out to a tree farm (something i'd always dreamed of doing) and bought a beautiful...wonderful...deliciously scented balsam fir tree. in one word: heavenly. the house smelled perfect. needles dropped all over the floor. we actually couldn't see straight through the tree to the wall for once. this epic tradition lasted two lovely years. this year? a fake tree. with no [good] explanation. if disappointment had a stench to it, you wouldn't get within fifty yards of me right now.
3. no honey-glazed ham. this bombshell was dropped on me just two days ago. my grandmother announced that she is serving lamb as the main dish this year on Christmas day. at first i thought she was going to make it in addition to the ham and was all, "awesome! i love lamb. lamb and ham. great combo...i guess." then i found out the truth, and practically went numb. no...ham? no thick, just-salted-enough slabs of warm ham glazed with cinnamon and honey? ...none? pure devastation. we've had ham for Christmas every year since my little brain can remember, and now we're having lamb. *sigh*...
4. no good music. every year i am practically assaulted (though with open arms) by Christmas songs on both the radio and in the stores. this year? i am so not feeling overwhelmed (and no that's not good, in case you couldn't pinpoint my intonation there). the Christmas songs are sparse and pathetic. borders bookstores have now turned their playlist so low you can hardly hear anything, and it's mainly instrumentals. and i swear, if i hear "last christmas" one more time... seriously, that song is BAD. the worst Christmas song ever. cheesy lyrics. cheesy, whiny lyrics. no jingle bells, no borrowed chords from traditional carols. it's trash, people. stop playing it. i hate it. i am boycotting it. i might even start a national petition to have to removed from radio broadcast forever. a global petition.
the madness must end.
and don't tell me there's no such thing as a top 4 list or you won't be getting any Christmas cards from me! :P
not so, my friends. not so. there are a handful of reasons why the Christmas season is a little askew thus far, and i have compiled a top 4 list of what i feel are the most critical imperfections glaring at me when i wake each morning.
1. no snow. this is perhaps the most serious issue of them all, hence its spot at number one. let's get real here. this is new england. we have seasons. winter, spring, summer, fall. so...where is the snow? we've had one snow day so far (if you can even call it that...but i'll be nice and let it count). i woke up to absolute snowy perfection, frantically taking pictures to capture the moment, pleading with the sun to lie low for a while. i guess the sun didn't really feel all that bad for me, because within hours it had risen to its full splendor and every single snowflake had melted away, and along with that, my sorry heart. since then, nothing. i'm still waiting, and i hold on to hope. :/
2. no real tree. having grown up with a fake Christmas tree, you'd think this wouldn't bother me. think again. two years ago my parents finally got rid of our old, fake tree, the one that ended up with a striking resemblance to Charlie Brown's after so many years of poking, prodding, hanging ornaments, and cat climbing. we drove out to a tree farm (something i'd always dreamed of doing) and bought a beautiful...wonderful...deliciously scented balsam fir tree. in one word: heavenly. the house smelled perfect. needles dropped all over the floor. we actually couldn't see straight through the tree to the wall for once. this epic tradition lasted two lovely years. this year? a fake tree. with no [good] explanation. if disappointment had a stench to it, you wouldn't get within fifty yards of me right now.
3. no honey-glazed ham. this bombshell was dropped on me just two days ago. my grandmother announced that she is serving lamb as the main dish this year on Christmas day. at first i thought she was going to make it in addition to the ham and was all, "awesome! i love lamb. lamb and ham. great combo...i guess." then i found out the truth, and practically went numb. no...ham? no thick, just-salted-enough slabs of warm ham glazed with cinnamon and honey? ...none? pure devastation. we've had ham for Christmas every year since my little brain can remember, and now we're having lamb. *sigh*...
4. no good music. every year i am practically assaulted (though with open arms) by Christmas songs on both the radio and in the stores. this year? i am so not feeling overwhelmed (and no that's not good, in case you couldn't pinpoint my intonation there). the Christmas songs are sparse and pathetic. borders bookstores have now turned their playlist so low you can hardly hear anything, and it's mainly instrumentals. and i swear, if i hear "last christmas" one more time... seriously, that song is BAD. the worst Christmas song ever. cheesy lyrics. cheesy, whiny lyrics. no jingle bells, no borrowed chords from traditional carols. it's trash, people. stop playing it. i hate it. i am boycotting it. i might even start a national petition to have to removed from radio broadcast forever. a global petition.
the madness must end.
and don't tell me there's no such thing as a top 4 list or you won't be getting any Christmas cards from me! :P
posted by audrey at
9:35 PM
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