entry #1: there is a time for everything
For obvious reasons, i am not always going to share entire journal entries with the general blogging community. In my will to remain as real, relatable and healthily vulnerable as possible, however, i will share as much as i can - which may sometimes mean cutting and splicing certain entries to permissible form. Nevertheless, this is me, as raw as i come.
[For those of you interested in my upcoming trip to Colombia - i leave Monday morning! - i will be journaling as best i can on a daily basis, and will type up all my entries when i return as a (hopefully) vivid firsthand account of the experience.]
07.05.07 - 08:51 PM
I was told to keep a journal. Many times, in fact, but i did not listen. I stopped listening to suggestions of this kind soon after entering high school, suggestions made by man who sees not the depths of my heart or my personal valley of shadows, who hears not my humbling cries of worship or helplessness, who feels not the weight on my shoulders or the aching in my chest, who understands not my restless spirit of unbridled passion in constant pursuit of knowledge, wisdom and truth. Man, who remains oblivious to the fact that i fear many things, but none so much as myself.
This time is different. This time God, who created the universe and whose very existence transcends all methods of scientific reasoning and human understanding, instructed me to keep a journal. Why, i don't know. But unlike man, He has seen the depths of my heart and loves me anyway. He has been to my tomorrow and overcome every great and terrible thing ahead of me. He has heard my cries and bore the weight of the world on His own shoulders for every tear that would fall from my face and every ache that would strip away another layer of my innocence. Not only does He understand my restless spirit, He created it, and despite all of its weaknesses, He considers it a masterpiece. Never complete, but always progressing and immeasurable in worth. He is knowledge and wisdom and truth. And He does not fear me.
So i figure i can trust Him. I figure He made me and knows every thought before it enters my mind and every longing before i've discovered it myself. So where's the fear or danger in putting these things to paper?
It has already been written.
Fade in. I feel that with everything going on in my life right now, not much can be of value for this first obsequious entry. So instead of compositionally gypsying my way down a river road, i'll share what's become a source of comfort for me in the latest leg of my journey:
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill* and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,**
a time for war and a time for peace."
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
* "You shall not murder." - Deuteronomy 5:!7
** "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a man who stirs up dissention among brothers." - Proverbs 6:16-19
Some may wonder what's so comforting about weeping, scattering and giving up. Well, it's not necessarily the act itself that i find comforting - although theoretically, the release of endorphins by way of weeping could have this effect - but the freedom to do it. When i read these verses, i hear God gently saying, "It's okay to cry. It's okay to let go. It's okay to admit that you just can't do it alone." There's no disappointment, condemnation or sense of failure in those words. Only freedom.
Freedom, rest and unconditional love.
[For those of you interested in my upcoming trip to Colombia - i leave Monday morning! - i will be journaling as best i can on a daily basis, and will type up all my entries when i return as a (hopefully) vivid firsthand account of the experience.]
07.05.07 - 08:51 PM
I was told to keep a journal. Many times, in fact, but i did not listen. I stopped listening to suggestions of this kind soon after entering high school, suggestions made by man who sees not the depths of my heart or my personal valley of shadows, who hears not my humbling cries of worship or helplessness, who feels not the weight on my shoulders or the aching in my chest, who understands not my restless spirit of unbridled passion in constant pursuit of knowledge, wisdom and truth. Man, who remains oblivious to the fact that i fear many things, but none so much as myself.
This time is different. This time God, who created the universe and whose very existence transcends all methods of scientific reasoning and human understanding, instructed me to keep a journal. Why, i don't know. But unlike man, He has seen the depths of my heart and loves me anyway. He has been to my tomorrow and overcome every great and terrible thing ahead of me. He has heard my cries and bore the weight of the world on His own shoulders for every tear that would fall from my face and every ache that would strip away another layer of my innocence. Not only does He understand my restless spirit, He created it, and despite all of its weaknesses, He considers it a masterpiece. Never complete, but always progressing and immeasurable in worth. He is knowledge and wisdom and truth. And He does not fear me.
So i figure i can trust Him. I figure He made me and knows every thought before it enters my mind and every longing before i've discovered it myself. So where's the fear or danger in putting these things to paper?
It has already been written.
Fade in. I feel that with everything going on in my life right now, not much can be of value for this first obsequious entry. So instead of compositionally gypsying my way down a river road, i'll share what's become a source of comfort for me in the latest leg of my journey:
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill* and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,**
a time for war and a time for peace."
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
* "You shall not murder." - Deuteronomy 5:!7
** "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a man who stirs up dissention among brothers." - Proverbs 6:16-19
Some may wonder what's so comforting about weeping, scattering and giving up. Well, it's not necessarily the act itself that i find comforting - although theoretically, the release of endorphins by way of weeping could have this effect - but the freedom to do it. When i read these verses, i hear God gently saying, "It's okay to cry. It's okay to let go. It's okay to admit that you just can't do it alone." There's no disappointment, condemnation or sense of failure in those words. Only freedom.
Freedom, rest and unconditional love.
posted by audrey at
11:22 PM
1 Comments:
I was just talking about that verse yesterday with my brother. Couldn't remember where it came from. And now, of all places to find it, you provide it.
Anyhow, Monday is REALLY close. Prayers shall go out with you,
-Adam
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