but the world looks so much nicer with my head in the clouds
I have always been a daydreamer. This used to piss me off when I'd be sitting in a class at school and right in the middle of a lecture my brain would go spinning of into Seussical directions as if some kind of spring had been released. GO! And ten minutes later, as if startled by some giant figmental pinch, I would snap back to reality and realize that I had no idea what the lecture was about or what my homework assignment was. At this point I was thankful for two things: 1. I had conveniently cool friends who would relay to me whatever important information I had missed, and 2. I loved to read, so whatever the teacher had said I could most likely find in my textbook later.
One might wonder what thoughts were volleying back and forth in my head during this time. Was I trying to remember whether I had packed PB&J or tuna fish for lunch? Was I thinking about how I could get all my homework done, eat dinner and play in my bowling league that night without missing the latest episode of Law & Order: SVU?
Oh, if only my thoughts were so trivial.
No, I am a daydreamer of the worst kind. See, I’m a world-changer. I can say that with confidence because it’s not boasting, it’s simply stating a fact. I haven’t actually accomplished anything in life so far that is necessarily world-changing, but I am (sometimes overly) ambitious, optimistic, passionate, and have the vision and drive of a world-changer. What exactly does this mean? It means that I couldn’t zone out in school and simply ponder how awesome those highlights looked on the girl sitting in front of me, and I can’t tune out in church and simply hope that Dave’s Diner is still serving breakfast when the service is over. Instead, though I have yet to hear a literal starting whistle or gunshot, all of my world-changing attributes come into play and begin stirring up a wind that often leaves me reeling in exhaustion and dizziness. I dream, imagine, create, explore, envision, magnify, blend, color, clean and rearrange. I find revelation and conviction, I go down the road less traveled, I ask a million "what ifs," and I turn ideas into reality before they’ve even been filtered through the proper channels.
As all other world-changers out there know, this problem only gets worse at night. The darker the sky becomes, the brighter the light bulb in my head gets, and as you can imagine, this has over time afflicted me with an awful case of insomnia. I will lie awake for hours thinking about how to change something or make it better, what I can accomplish this week to bring me closer to my goals, what I can write about to inspire people, where I can go to get inspired myself, how I can help or entertain someone, what kind of impossible dreams I can present before God and who I know that could be part of them. Sometimes thinking about these things isn’t enough, and this is when I scurry out of bed for the third time and grab my Bible, my dictionary, my latest novel, and even my computer, which I will use to research information on something or find answers that I can’t wait until morning to know. I can never wait until morning.
This dreaming thing is a problem because, as an aggressively blazing visionary, there is no escape. None. It is useless and foolish to try and get away, because it will always find you and badger you until you give in and entertain it. You will think it, dream it, picture it, plan it, write it, scheme it and do it, or you will die trying not to. It is a gift and a nightmare, a blessing and a curse, always bittersweet.
I long ago gave up trying to fight this battle. Though there are many times I lay staring at the ceiling with a headache and sore eyes begging God to release me from the burden of being a visionary (add to that a prophetess…oh, the pressure), mostly I am thankful for this gift. It keeps me on my toes and heightens my awareness; it excites me. I can’t wait to fulfill the will of God and see all of my dreams come to fruition.
And here is where the bigger problem arises. If I must, if it is the only way, I will dream. I will come up with innovative ideas and draw blueprints for concepts and create business plans for, well, potential business endeavors. I will write blogs about them and keep journals and cut and paste magazine pictures and articles. However…then what? What am I supposed to do with all of this information? Most of my dreams and ideas are so big and impressive that quite honestly I don’t look forward to sharing them with anyone – if, that is, I have to. Some are simply impossible. Most are possible with lots of time and money and support, all of which I am sorely lacking. The rest are just laughable. And yet, they all make sense to me and I fully believe they have the potential to revolutionize. It’s just that there’s not much I can do right now to help make them happen. At least, not by myself. So all the data I’ve collected, all the hypotheses I’ve conceived, all the thoughts I’ve given second thought to are just sitting on the shelves of this massive mental library I’ve got collecting dust.
I don’t believe I’m too small for this. I may be small in stature, but everything else about me is big almost beyond measure. There is enough compassion, zeal and willpower inside of me for a whole army. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. In Matthew 17:20, Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." 1 Timothy 4:12 encourages us not to let anyone look down on us because we are young. And there are numerous other Bible verses that teach us the same general principle: We are strong, we are blessed, we are made to dream big dreams, we are made to chase after these dreams, and nothing is impossible for us if we are under the covering of God’s will. So I have no doubt that with the proper tools, all of my crazy, massive dreams can come to pass. It is not their size or probability that overwhelms me (well, not really…), but my horrible impatience.
Soon, I am steadfastly hoping, all of the pieces will fall into place. All of the elements necessary to the carrying out of my dreams will align and the green light will appear. And I cannot tell you how quickly I will charge up my turbos and chase those dreams down.
One might wonder what thoughts were volleying back and forth in my head during this time. Was I trying to remember whether I had packed PB&J or tuna fish for lunch? Was I thinking about how I could get all my homework done, eat dinner and play in my bowling league that night without missing the latest episode of Law & Order: SVU?
Oh, if only my thoughts were so trivial.
No, I am a daydreamer of the worst kind. See, I’m a world-changer. I can say that with confidence because it’s not boasting, it’s simply stating a fact. I haven’t actually accomplished anything in life so far that is necessarily world-changing, but I am (sometimes overly) ambitious, optimistic, passionate, and have the vision and drive of a world-changer. What exactly does this mean? It means that I couldn’t zone out in school and simply ponder how awesome those highlights looked on the girl sitting in front of me, and I can’t tune out in church and simply hope that Dave’s Diner is still serving breakfast when the service is over. Instead, though I have yet to hear a literal starting whistle or gunshot, all of my world-changing attributes come into play and begin stirring up a wind that often leaves me reeling in exhaustion and dizziness. I dream, imagine, create, explore, envision, magnify, blend, color, clean and rearrange. I find revelation and conviction, I go down the road less traveled, I ask a million "what ifs," and I turn ideas into reality before they’ve even been filtered through the proper channels.
As all other world-changers out there know, this problem only gets worse at night. The darker the sky becomes, the brighter the light bulb in my head gets, and as you can imagine, this has over time afflicted me with an awful case of insomnia. I will lie awake for hours thinking about how to change something or make it better, what I can accomplish this week to bring me closer to my goals, what I can write about to inspire people, where I can go to get inspired myself, how I can help or entertain someone, what kind of impossible dreams I can present before God and who I know that could be part of them. Sometimes thinking about these things isn’t enough, and this is when I scurry out of bed for the third time and grab my Bible, my dictionary, my latest novel, and even my computer, which I will use to research information on something or find answers that I can’t wait until morning to know. I can never wait until morning.
This dreaming thing is a problem because, as an aggressively blazing visionary, there is no escape. None. It is useless and foolish to try and get away, because it will always find you and badger you until you give in and entertain it. You will think it, dream it, picture it, plan it, write it, scheme it and do it, or you will die trying not to. It is a gift and a nightmare, a blessing and a curse, always bittersweet.
I long ago gave up trying to fight this battle. Though there are many times I lay staring at the ceiling with a headache and sore eyes begging God to release me from the burden of being a visionary (add to that a prophetess…oh, the pressure), mostly I am thankful for this gift. It keeps me on my toes and heightens my awareness; it excites me. I can’t wait to fulfill the will of God and see all of my dreams come to fruition.
And here is where the bigger problem arises. If I must, if it is the only way, I will dream. I will come up with innovative ideas and draw blueprints for concepts and create business plans for, well, potential business endeavors. I will write blogs about them and keep journals and cut and paste magazine pictures and articles. However…then what? What am I supposed to do with all of this information? Most of my dreams and ideas are so big and impressive that quite honestly I don’t look forward to sharing them with anyone – if, that is, I have to. Some are simply impossible. Most are possible with lots of time and money and support, all of which I am sorely lacking. The rest are just laughable. And yet, they all make sense to me and I fully believe they have the potential to revolutionize. It’s just that there’s not much I can do right now to help make them happen. At least, not by myself. So all the data I’ve collected, all the hypotheses I’ve conceived, all the thoughts I’ve given second thought to are just sitting on the shelves of this massive mental library I’ve got collecting dust.
I don’t believe I’m too small for this. I may be small in stature, but everything else about me is big almost beyond measure. There is enough compassion, zeal and willpower inside of me for a whole army. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. In Matthew 17:20, Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." 1 Timothy 4:12 encourages us not to let anyone look down on us because we are young. And there are numerous other Bible verses that teach us the same general principle: We are strong, we are blessed, we are made to dream big dreams, we are made to chase after these dreams, and nothing is impossible for us if we are under the covering of God’s will. So I have no doubt that with the proper tools, all of my crazy, massive dreams can come to pass. It is not their size or probability that overwhelms me (well, not really…), but my horrible impatience.
Soon, I am steadfastly hoping, all of the pieces will fall into place. All of the elements necessary to the carrying out of my dreams will align and the green light will appear. And I cannot tell you how quickly I will charge up my turbos and chase those dreams down.
posted by audrey at
4:48 AM
1 Comments:
If it's any consolation to you, my blog on Spring came as (i'm not sure how) a direct result of reading this one. And YOU have decided it's okay to be online and commenting on my blog without being on AIM at the same time, which is almost unforgivable.
And no, i'm not kidding about lotr.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home