a Story to bring in the new year
i will be the first to admit that i haven't the slightest clue as to what my purpose is here on earth. as a kid, finding purpose was of no concern to me. i would rather have sunk my teeth into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or sunk my hands into a sandbox any day than sunk my head into existential mysteries such as the likes of this one. why should i have cared anyway? as long as i'd made it through 24 hours without forgetting to write in my diary and without kicking one of my brothers in the shin, i believed i had fulfilled my purpose.
oh, to be so ignorant forever.
what is purpose anyway? the general definition goes something like this: "the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc." so what is our purpose? you could say, "the reason for which we exist", or you could be really brave and insert your name in the appropriate place, i.e., "the reason for which Audrey exists." kinda scary, isn't it? i look at that and my first reaction is, yikes! that seems so finite. so controlling. but then i read it again and i think, wait a minute. there's a reason for which i exist. a reason. which means i'm not here by accident at all; there are actually things i have been put on this earth to accomplish. need proof? check out these verses i found:
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." - Exodus 9:16
"But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." - Psalm 33:11
"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands." - Psalm 138:8
so it has been established that our lives have purpose. we may not know what that purpose is, but we know it exists. i guess that's where faith comes in, because there are many days that i wake up and doubt this fact entirely. i lay there and think, it's just not possible. the burden of having a purpose is just so heavy. honestly, i am not the person for this job. why would the creator of the universe trust me - forgetful, lazy, and on most days just a general screw-up - with something so specific, so meaningful, so huge as having a genuine purpose to carry out? what was God thinking??
i still don't know. most days i still wake up feeling completely useless, even after the book that i've built my life upon assures me that i'm not. that there's hope for me after all. there a song by relient k that i really think i should start listening to on repeat called "more than useless" - check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzC9TS3iqPc
so how do i find my purpose? i don't know this either. one verse promises that it's good:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
another verse, not one of my favorites, states:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21
but what is God's purpose?? i went to a church in Falmouth yesterday where Pastor Steve Johnson spoke about this subject, purpose, which is part of what fueled this frustrated blog. Steve seemed to think that not everyone's purpose is blatantly obvious, like perhaps Mother Theresa's. who were Mother Theresa's parents? perhaps their purpose in life was simply to raise her a certain way, to help mold her into the person she became. i in no way want to belittle such acts as raising children, but in my mind i'm thinking, can a person's purpose really be so small? is that it? if i stopped an elderly person from crossing the street today and prevented them from being hit by a car, could that one moment be my sole reason for living? i guess i have a hard time with this, wanting to measure the significance of the things we do. i've been told many times that even the most mundane things, like doing a load of laundry, are meaningful. i wish i could be convinced.
i recently saw Lady of The Water by M. Night Shyamalan. my favorite part of the movie is when Story tells Vick that the book he writes will spark a change, and that one day a young boy will read it and keep it on his shelf until he becomes a man, and this boy, inspired by Vick's writing, will turn into a great leader and bring many changes to the nation. i thought, wow. that's pretty cool. but there was a catch, which Vick figured out when he asked "so where am i? if this boy respected me so much, why didn't he just meet me?...do i die?" and Story answers him, yes.
as i had to sit and digest that for a minute, i half zoned out for the next scene of the movie, taken aback by the intensity of Story's prophesy. the greatness in Vick. the impact he would make on the world. the price he would choose to pay in order to fulfill his purpose. and while the movie never follows up on this man's life, you know that he's not going to place his scribbled thoughts on a shelf in order to save his life. no, he's going to publish those thoughts, knowing that one day soon he will be killed for them. and i had to sit there and think to myself, of course. i would do the same. why? because i would have found my purpose, as Vick did. and once someone has found their purpose, nothing else really matters, does it? i believe every single person on this earth is searching, consciously or not, for their purpose. if you found yours, would you trade it for anything else? i tend to think not. if you were told straight out what your purpose was, you would run to it. you'd fulfill it, no matter what it took, no matter what it cost you. even if it cost you your life.
so i'm on a quest to find my purpose. i'm not sure if it's something i will do actively or not, and by that i mean that i think it's something i need to place in God's care and let happen naturally. otherwise, as has already been proven, i will drive myself crazy. and i'd really rather relax in the year 2007.
one thing is for sure, it would be so much easier if we all had a Story in our lives. i've had prophets and other people prophesy over me before - i myself have the gift of prophesy, but i don't think one can have words for themselves - but none have ever been able to tell me what my purpose is. i don't think that's the job of a prophet anyway. and maybe, just maybe, if we all knew what our purposes were, we'd be so scared of screwing it up that we'd avoid it like the plague. so maybe God's plan is for us not to be so clear about our purposes. maybe some of us would burn our thoughts in a fire if we knew that one day those thoughts would be the death of us. maybe mystery isn't so bad after all.
"I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference." - Jimmy Carter
We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. - Marian Wright Edelman
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for. - Paulo Coelho
Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz
Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything. - Thomas Merton
Work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. - Vaclav Havel
We are here on earth to do good for others. What the others are here for, I don't know. - W. H. Auden
oh, to be so ignorant forever.
what is purpose anyway? the general definition goes something like this: "the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc." so what is our purpose? you could say, "the reason for which we exist", or you could be really brave and insert your name in the appropriate place, i.e., "the reason for which Audrey exists." kinda scary, isn't it? i look at that and my first reaction is, yikes! that seems so finite. so controlling. but then i read it again and i think, wait a minute. there's a reason for which i exist. a reason. which means i'm not here by accident at all; there are actually things i have been put on this earth to accomplish. need proof? check out these verses i found:
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." - Exodus 9:16
"But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." - Psalm 33:11
"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands." - Psalm 138:8
so it has been established that our lives have purpose. we may not know what that purpose is, but we know it exists. i guess that's where faith comes in, because there are many days that i wake up and doubt this fact entirely. i lay there and think, it's just not possible. the burden of having a purpose is just so heavy. honestly, i am not the person for this job. why would the creator of the universe trust me - forgetful, lazy, and on most days just a general screw-up - with something so specific, so meaningful, so huge as having a genuine purpose to carry out? what was God thinking??
i still don't know. most days i still wake up feeling completely useless, even after the book that i've built my life upon assures me that i'm not. that there's hope for me after all. there a song by relient k that i really think i should start listening to on repeat called "more than useless" - check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzC9TS3iqPc
so how do i find my purpose? i don't know this either. one verse promises that it's good:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
another verse, not one of my favorites, states:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21
but what is God's purpose?? i went to a church in Falmouth yesterday where Pastor Steve Johnson spoke about this subject, purpose, which is part of what fueled this frustrated blog. Steve seemed to think that not everyone's purpose is blatantly obvious, like perhaps Mother Theresa's. who were Mother Theresa's parents? perhaps their purpose in life was simply to raise her a certain way, to help mold her into the person she became. i in no way want to belittle such acts as raising children, but in my mind i'm thinking, can a person's purpose really be so small? is that it? if i stopped an elderly person from crossing the street today and prevented them from being hit by a car, could that one moment be my sole reason for living? i guess i have a hard time with this, wanting to measure the significance of the things we do. i've been told many times that even the most mundane things, like doing a load of laundry, are meaningful. i wish i could be convinced.
i recently saw Lady of The Water by M. Night Shyamalan. my favorite part of the movie is when Story tells Vick that the book he writes will spark a change, and that one day a young boy will read it and keep it on his shelf until he becomes a man, and this boy, inspired by Vick's writing, will turn into a great leader and bring many changes to the nation. i thought, wow. that's pretty cool. but there was a catch, which Vick figured out when he asked "so where am i? if this boy respected me so much, why didn't he just meet me?...do i die?" and Story answers him, yes.
as i had to sit and digest that for a minute, i half zoned out for the next scene of the movie, taken aback by the intensity of Story's prophesy. the greatness in Vick. the impact he would make on the world. the price he would choose to pay in order to fulfill his purpose. and while the movie never follows up on this man's life, you know that he's not going to place his scribbled thoughts on a shelf in order to save his life. no, he's going to publish those thoughts, knowing that one day soon he will be killed for them. and i had to sit there and think to myself, of course. i would do the same. why? because i would have found my purpose, as Vick did. and once someone has found their purpose, nothing else really matters, does it? i believe every single person on this earth is searching, consciously or not, for their purpose. if you found yours, would you trade it for anything else? i tend to think not. if you were told straight out what your purpose was, you would run to it. you'd fulfill it, no matter what it took, no matter what it cost you. even if it cost you your life.
so i'm on a quest to find my purpose. i'm not sure if it's something i will do actively or not, and by that i mean that i think it's something i need to place in God's care and let happen naturally. otherwise, as has already been proven, i will drive myself crazy. and i'd really rather relax in the year 2007.
one thing is for sure, it would be so much easier if we all had a Story in our lives. i've had prophets and other people prophesy over me before - i myself have the gift of prophesy, but i don't think one can have words for themselves - but none have ever been able to tell me what my purpose is. i don't think that's the job of a prophet anyway. and maybe, just maybe, if we all knew what our purposes were, we'd be so scared of screwing it up that we'd avoid it like the plague. so maybe God's plan is for us not to be so clear about our purposes. maybe some of us would burn our thoughts in a fire if we knew that one day those thoughts would be the death of us. maybe mystery isn't so bad after all.
"I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference." - Jimmy Carter
We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. - Marian Wright Edelman
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for. - Paulo Coelho
Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz
Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything. - Thomas Merton
Work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. - Vaclav Havel
We are here on earth to do good for others. What the others are here for, I don't know. - W. H. Auden
posted by audrey at
11:24 AM
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