a time for everything?
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.
Last July, i found assurance in these verses. I was somehow comforted by the promise that there was a specific time, a season for everything in life. And i suppose when i go back and read what i had to say about it, there is solace in the freedom to enjoy all the good things and to mourn all the bad things.
It's figuring out when the right time to enjoy and to mourn is that's become my problem. For those who don't know me that well - and even for myself some days - there's nothing particularly awful or remarkable to be said about my life so far. It hasn't been marked by any major tragedies or accomplishments on my part...but then, that's just it, i guess. When i start thinking about all the things i've cried over and all the things i've celebrated, at least where i've personally been responsible, the list of negative things always seems to outweigh the positive.
Sometimes i can barely stand to be around myself, which is rather unfortunate considering i'm stuck with me for life. No matter what i do, no matter how many times i find myself alive again for another morning, i just can never seem to get life right.
If there's a time for everything, then there's a time to fall in love. There's a time to feel sorry about something, a time to study hard, a time to pursue my dreams, a time to go without. There's a time for celebration and a time for reflection...all of that is well and good. The problem is, my timing with all of these things is always off. I know, because if i was doing everything at the right time i'd be experiencing peace, and i'm not.
All of this is not to say that i don't have great days. I do. Some days are so great that i worry i'll be blindsided by another vehicle on the road because my mind is so happily floating among the clouds. Other days, i'm so grounded that i'm tempted to pick up a shovel and begin hollowing out my own grave. I suppose this is mostly normal, but the feeling i'm experiencing most is simply feeling lost. I don't want anyone to tell me exactly what to do or how to live my life, but a little guidance wouldn't hurt.
If nothing else, this rant is a reminder to myself to open my Bible and read. Not even God hand-holds us through everything here on earth...there are no flip books or color-by-numbers or detailed instructions on what to do next or how to go about doing it. But there's lots of guidance, and that's really all i'm looking for. Not the whole animal...just a bone. A small piece of hope to hold on to, to assure me that the rest is coming.
Last July, i found assurance in these verses. I was somehow comforted by the promise that there was a specific time, a season for everything in life. And i suppose when i go back and read what i had to say about it, there is solace in the freedom to enjoy all the good things and to mourn all the bad things.
It's figuring out when the right time to enjoy and to mourn is that's become my problem. For those who don't know me that well - and even for myself some days - there's nothing particularly awful or remarkable to be said about my life so far. It hasn't been marked by any major tragedies or accomplishments on my part...but then, that's just it, i guess. When i start thinking about all the things i've cried over and all the things i've celebrated, at least where i've personally been responsible, the list of negative things always seems to outweigh the positive.
Sometimes i can barely stand to be around myself, which is rather unfortunate considering i'm stuck with me for life. No matter what i do, no matter how many times i find myself alive again for another morning, i just can never seem to get life right.
If there's a time for everything, then there's a time to fall in love. There's a time to feel sorry about something, a time to study hard, a time to pursue my dreams, a time to go without. There's a time for celebration and a time for reflection...all of that is well and good. The problem is, my timing with all of these things is always off. I know, because if i was doing everything at the right time i'd be experiencing peace, and i'm not.
All of this is not to say that i don't have great days. I do. Some days are so great that i worry i'll be blindsided by another vehicle on the road because my mind is so happily floating among the clouds. Other days, i'm so grounded that i'm tempted to pick up a shovel and begin hollowing out my own grave. I suppose this is mostly normal, but the feeling i'm experiencing most is simply feeling lost. I don't want anyone to tell me exactly what to do or how to live my life, but a little guidance wouldn't hurt.
If nothing else, this rant is a reminder to myself to open my Bible and read. Not even God hand-holds us through everything here on earth...there are no flip books or color-by-numbers or detailed instructions on what to do next or how to go about doing it. But there's lots of guidance, and that's really all i'm looking for. Not the whole animal...just a bone. A small piece of hope to hold on to, to assure me that the rest is coming.
posted by audrey at
10:23 PM
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