my constant one
Benjamin Franklin once said, "In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes." With all due respect to Mr. Franklin, however, I beg to differ.
Today was one of those days I like to refer to as a "short circuit day." A blip on the radar that monitors the inner workings of what is known as me. Much of the time, I imagine myself in a coma of sorts - not morbidly, but in the sense that for the most part, things are moving along with a feeling of normalcy and that life is simply an exercise of inhaling and exhaling. This pattern is safe and expected.
Then there is a hiccup in the system. Perhaps I have forgotten to inhale, causing a cerebral panic as my lungs struggle to serve their purpose. On the other hand, which seems more likely, perhaps I have forgotten to exhale, having amassed too much "air" and inducing a similar cerebral panic before my lungs succumb to an inevitable implosion. Either way, something has gone terribly wrong, and the need for immediate assistance will soon be made clear by a series of urgent beeps and an erratic red line.
On these rare days of short circuitry, I deviate from what has come to be known as my normal behavior. Though I still haven't quite pinpointed what exactly for me is "normal," I do believe that I am generally a very compassionate, forgiving, peacemaking person (no doubt some of the more mild, socially-favored aspects of my nature). Today, however, without any hint of rhyme or reason, all of these qualities decided to pack their bags, fly right out the window and migrate to the West Indies.
Why today? There seems to be no method to the madness that comes over me at random. All I know is that I become angry, impatient and grossly irrational. I want to throw things, many things, at the walls and scream obscenities until my throat becomes hoarse. I want to cry, and sometimes I do. No, this is not a tantrum I speak of. It's a human cataclysm. A science project gone wrong.
It is during these spells that I am reminded of the song "Manic" by Plumb, in which the second half of the chorus reads:
Am I manic? I don't know. I don't think so, as generally the term refers to those who are chronic in their disorder. As previously stated, these frenzied outbursts are out of the ordinary for me. And for the record, I have never been afflicted with any common female side effects during PMS. So it's not that.
(Don't think that I'm not taken aback by my childish, irrational behaviors; the truth is I find them disgusting and embarassing. A torrent of thoughts driven both by hopelessness and helplessness will rip through my brain: I have always been patient with others; what did this person do to deserve such a horrible attitude? I have always been quick to forgive, so what's with this burning hatred filling my heart up with ashes? Why am I being so stubborn? Am I really so inconsolable? How petty can I be? I must be losing it. I have completely gone off the deep end.)
The point is, even the things we are most sure of, such as our own human tendencies, can betray us. We, along with the weather and relationships and occupations and everything, are inconsistent. Unreliable. Unstable. Subject to change at any given time. We cannot prepare for tragedies, we are ruled by our emotions, and we are constantly at the mercy of the battle between good and evil.
I stand by my firm belief, however, that death and taxes are not the only things we can count on in this world. God is certain (more so, even, than either death or taxes). He is unchanging, unshakeable and (best of all) undefeated. Hebrews 13:8 tells us that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." The same Christ that left His throne to take on the form of man, turned water into wine, summoned people out of their graves, and saved the world from eternal damnation by sacrificing His life so that we might truly live, is the same Christ who sits at the right hand of the Father today.
Joel 2:13 tells us God is "gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and He relents from sending calamity." And Isaiah 26:3 promises that God will "keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in [Him]." I don't know about anyone else, but this is a higher power I can trust. This is a God I can put my absolute faith in. Unlike other gods and idols, who are human (or like the Greek gods, have human characteristics), my God has remained the same throughout time and history, and His ways will never change. There is nothing we can or must do to earn His love, because He gives it freely and unconditionally. One of the most comforting verses I have ever found in the Bible is Romans 8:38-39: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
My gratitude for this Christ of consistency hit me full force today as I lamented the uglier sides of human nature, and how sometimes what appears to be a minor blip on the radar screen can actually become catastrophic. I can rest in the fact that my God has no blips. He makes no mistakes and uses all things for good. I can rely on Him for peace and wisdom and truth. He will never abandon or abuse, never tease or provoke or confuse. He is never unpredictable in the way that He deals with us, and will never leave me at the mercy of any bi-polar tendencies. He is always near and none of this will ever change. In other words, I can take Him for granted - which, in this world filled with evil and uncertainty, is something He knows that I fully intend on doing.
I will close with a song.
My Constant One
by Michelle Tumes
When I wake, when I sleep
I hear whispers that seek to reach me
My constant One
When I dance, when I weep
When I run, You are with me
Everyday, every night
After death in this life
You are constantly keeping
In my joy, in my strife
When I taste my desires
I am caught in your eyes holding me
My constant One
When I taste of the words that You speak
They will feed my hunger
My constant one
When I stray, when I turn
I will say that I love you
Everyday, every night
After death in this life
You are constantly keeping
In my joy, in my strife
When I taste my desires
I am caught in your eyes holding me
My constant One
I want to kiss the mouth that soothes me
When the smile has vanished from my face
When I sparkle in the mist that clouds me
Be sure that I am lost in You
Lost without a trace
My constant One
Today was one of those days I like to refer to as a "short circuit day." A blip on the radar that monitors the inner workings of what is known as me. Much of the time, I imagine myself in a coma of sorts - not morbidly, but in the sense that for the most part, things are moving along with a feeling of normalcy and that life is simply an exercise of inhaling and exhaling. This pattern is safe and expected.
Then there is a hiccup in the system. Perhaps I have forgotten to inhale, causing a cerebral panic as my lungs struggle to serve their purpose. On the other hand, which seems more likely, perhaps I have forgotten to exhale, having amassed too much "air" and inducing a similar cerebral panic before my lungs succumb to an inevitable implosion. Either way, something has gone terribly wrong, and the need for immediate assistance will soon be made clear by a series of urgent beeps and an erratic red line.
On these rare days of short circuitry, I deviate from what has come to be known as my normal behavior. Though I still haven't quite pinpointed what exactly for me is "normal," I do believe that I am generally a very compassionate, forgiving, peacemaking person (no doubt some of the more mild, socially-favored aspects of my nature). Today, however, without any hint of rhyme or reason, all of these qualities decided to pack their bags, fly right out the window and migrate to the West Indies.
Why today? There seems to be no method to the madness that comes over me at random. All I know is that I become angry, impatient and grossly irrational. I want to throw things, many things, at the walls and scream obscenities until my throat becomes hoarse. I want to cry, and sometimes I do. No, this is not a tantrum I speak of. It's a human cataclysm. A science project gone wrong.
It is during these spells that I am reminded of the song "Manic" by Plumb, in which the second half of the chorus reads:
There is a chemical in your brain
It's pouring sunshine and rage
You can never know what to expect
You're manic, manic
Am I manic? I don't know. I don't think so, as generally the term refers to those who are chronic in their disorder. As previously stated, these frenzied outbursts are out of the ordinary for me. And for the record, I have never been afflicted with any common female side effects during PMS. So it's not that.
(Don't think that I'm not taken aback by my childish, irrational behaviors; the truth is I find them disgusting and embarassing. A torrent of thoughts driven both by hopelessness and helplessness will rip through my brain: I have always been patient with others; what did this person do to deserve such a horrible attitude? I have always been quick to forgive, so what's with this burning hatred filling my heart up with ashes? Why am I being so stubborn? Am I really so inconsolable? How petty can I be? I must be losing it. I have completely gone off the deep end.)
The point is, even the things we are most sure of, such as our own human tendencies, can betray us. We, along with the weather and relationships and occupations and everything, are inconsistent. Unreliable. Unstable. Subject to change at any given time. We cannot prepare for tragedies, we are ruled by our emotions, and we are constantly at the mercy of the battle between good and evil.
I stand by my firm belief, however, that death and taxes are not the only things we can count on in this world. God is certain (more so, even, than either death or taxes). He is unchanging, unshakeable and (best of all) undefeated. Hebrews 13:8 tells us that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." The same Christ that left His throne to take on the form of man, turned water into wine, summoned people out of their graves, and saved the world from eternal damnation by sacrificing His life so that we might truly live, is the same Christ who sits at the right hand of the Father today.
Joel 2:13 tells us God is "gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and He relents from sending calamity." And Isaiah 26:3 promises that God will "keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in [Him]." I don't know about anyone else, but this is a higher power I can trust. This is a God I can put my absolute faith in. Unlike other gods and idols, who are human (or like the Greek gods, have human characteristics), my God has remained the same throughout time and history, and His ways will never change. There is nothing we can or must do to earn His love, because He gives it freely and unconditionally. One of the most comforting verses I have ever found in the Bible is Romans 8:38-39: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
My gratitude for this Christ of consistency hit me full force today as I lamented the uglier sides of human nature, and how sometimes what appears to be a minor blip on the radar screen can actually become catastrophic. I can rest in the fact that my God has no blips. He makes no mistakes and uses all things for good. I can rely on Him for peace and wisdom and truth. He will never abandon or abuse, never tease or provoke or confuse. He is never unpredictable in the way that He deals with us, and will never leave me at the mercy of any bi-polar tendencies. He is always near and none of this will ever change. In other words, I can take Him for granted - which, in this world filled with evil and uncertainty, is something He knows that I fully intend on doing.
I will close with a song.
My Constant One
by Michelle Tumes
When I wake, when I sleep
I hear whispers that seek to reach me
My constant One
When I dance, when I weep
When I run, You are with me
Everyday, every night
After death in this life
You are constantly keeping
In my joy, in my strife
When I taste my desires
I am caught in your eyes holding me
My constant One
When I taste of the words that You speak
They will feed my hunger
My constant one
When I stray, when I turn
I will say that I love you
Everyday, every night
After death in this life
You are constantly keeping
In my joy, in my strife
When I taste my desires
I am caught in your eyes holding me
My constant One
I want to kiss the mouth that soothes me
When the smile has vanished from my face
When I sparkle in the mist that clouds me
Be sure that I am lost in You
Lost without a trace
My constant One
posted by audrey at
1:11 AM
1 Comments:
So when I read the words "death and taxes" I thought about living like I'm jumping off a cliff...
And then these words made sense too:
Lately the weather has been so bipolar and consequently so have I.
rk ftw
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