bodies and minds
Here's the thing about loneliness. You don't actually have to be alone to feel it.
But nobody ever tells you that. Instead, they'd like you to believe in Hollywood's version of loneliness; that is, Joe Shmoe just lost his job, his girlfriend just left him, and he's sitting by himself at some crapshoot bar in the gutter with a long line of shots behind him. "Pass me another one, bartender." That's pretty lonely, right?
Wrong. It's sad, but it's not lonely, or at least it doesn't have to be. Joe can get another job. Joe can get another girlfriend. Joe doesn't have to blow his final paycheck on booze (but if he does, that's his own fault, and he damn well better enjoy it).
Nope. True loneliness doesn't have much at all to do with singularity, i'm nearly convinced. Don't get me wrong, as someone who's not a fan of sleeping alone and used to barricade herself with stuffed animals in bed as a kid for some sense of security, i'll be the first to argue that there's definitely, definitely a need for physical closeness in life. But i think loneliness is more of a mental affliction than anything else.
When you can't share what's on your heart with anyone...when, should you dare try, no one seems to be able to relate...when you've been doubted, when you've been put in your place, when you've been condemned...when you feel humble and weak and stupid and scared and hopeless...this is what loneliness feels like. Not the burn of alcohol on the back of your throat, or even the awful words coming from the one person you thought would never hurt you. It's the sense that you don't belong, that there's nowhere for you to go, no point to your existence, no reason to get out of bed, nobody who cares or is willing to help...even if it's just in the smallest way possible.
Loneliness is being in a place where everyone can see you, but no one will touch you. No one will talk to you, reach out to you, be real with you. You're going under in quicksand, and no one wants to offer the time or energy that it will take to pull you out.
What is so difficult about helping others? Why are people who are hurting always treated like they've got some kind of disease? You know what? I don't even care if that's the way people want to look at it. You don't need to perform surgery or discover a cure. If you see a wound, bandage it up. It's as simple as that. And honestly, acknowledgement itself goes a very long way.
There's nothing eloquent about love. If i ever had to preach a sermon (and cross my heart, hope to God i'll never be put in that position), that would be it. World's shortest sermon, right there, everybody's home for lunch. Love - in every way, shape, and form - is messy. In fact, if i could create my own dictionary, that's all it would say under Love: Messy (with a reference to 1 Corinthians 13, of course). And you know why? Because love is an action. It's cleaning up someone's vomit or scrubbing toilets or washing the blood and applying a bandage to the wound. It's stepping out of your comfort zone and making yourself completely uncomfortable by getting dirty...and i don't necessarily mean potting plants. It's making yourself vulnerable for the sake of another. Love is a sacrifice...not a performance, but a willingness, with no selfish motives and no expectations whatsoever.
That's all. Just love. There's loneliness, which is a feeling, almost entirely mental, and there's love, which is an action, almost entirely physical...and yet, without love, there is no hope in loneliness. This is true for everything, by the way. Without love, there is no hope, period. I only picked on loneliness because it's something i've struggled with for a very long time.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts.
But nobody ever tells you that. Instead, they'd like you to believe in Hollywood's version of loneliness; that is, Joe Shmoe just lost his job, his girlfriend just left him, and he's sitting by himself at some crapshoot bar in the gutter with a long line of shots behind him. "Pass me another one, bartender." That's pretty lonely, right?
Wrong. It's sad, but it's not lonely, or at least it doesn't have to be. Joe can get another job. Joe can get another girlfriend. Joe doesn't have to blow his final paycheck on booze (but if he does, that's his own fault, and he damn well better enjoy it).
Nope. True loneliness doesn't have much at all to do with singularity, i'm nearly convinced. Don't get me wrong, as someone who's not a fan of sleeping alone and used to barricade herself with stuffed animals in bed as a kid for some sense of security, i'll be the first to argue that there's definitely, definitely a need for physical closeness in life. But i think loneliness is more of a mental affliction than anything else.
When you can't share what's on your heart with anyone...when, should you dare try, no one seems to be able to relate...when you've been doubted, when you've been put in your place, when you've been condemned...when you feel humble and weak and stupid and scared and hopeless...this is what loneliness feels like. Not the burn of alcohol on the back of your throat, or even the awful words coming from the one person you thought would never hurt you. It's the sense that you don't belong, that there's nowhere for you to go, no point to your existence, no reason to get out of bed, nobody who cares or is willing to help...even if it's just in the smallest way possible.
Loneliness is being in a place where everyone can see you, but no one will touch you. No one will talk to you, reach out to you, be real with you. You're going under in quicksand, and no one wants to offer the time or energy that it will take to pull you out.
What is so difficult about helping others? Why are people who are hurting always treated like they've got some kind of disease? You know what? I don't even care if that's the way people want to look at it. You don't need to perform surgery or discover a cure. If you see a wound, bandage it up. It's as simple as that. And honestly, acknowledgement itself goes a very long way.
There's nothing eloquent about love. If i ever had to preach a sermon (and cross my heart, hope to God i'll never be put in that position), that would be it. World's shortest sermon, right there, everybody's home for lunch. Love - in every way, shape, and form - is messy. In fact, if i could create my own dictionary, that's all it would say under Love: Messy (with a reference to 1 Corinthians 13, of course). And you know why? Because love is an action. It's cleaning up someone's vomit or scrubbing toilets or washing the blood and applying a bandage to the wound. It's stepping out of your comfort zone and making yourself completely uncomfortable by getting dirty...and i don't necessarily mean potting plants. It's making yourself vulnerable for the sake of another. Love is a sacrifice...not a performance, but a willingness, with no selfish motives and no expectations whatsoever.
That's all. Just love. There's loneliness, which is a feeling, almost entirely mental, and there's love, which is an action, almost entirely physical...and yet, without love, there is no hope in loneliness. This is true for everything, by the way. Without love, there is no hope, period. I only picked on loneliness because it's something i've struggled with for a very long time.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts.
posted by audrey at
9:56 PM
2 Comments:
I figured i should acknowledge having read this.
You know, because acknowledgment goes a long way :p
wow audrey thanks for sharing that, so much truth in all that you said... you put to words so well what i've felt and not known how to describe. thank you and i think you should write a book and preach a sermon!
love ya
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